I have always loved reading autobiographies and wondered what makes people tick. Why are some folks wildly successful and others (myself included) strugglers and stuck? They seem to find their pot of gold in more ways than one. I don’t have the answers here, but I’m certainly learning some from other people

I’m sick of struggling and feeling stuck. For many years I’ve felt unfulfilled in life even when I’m doing amazing things. I’ve travelled the world and the old saying ‘wherever you go, you take yourself with you’ seems so appropos. In other words, my depression and way of relating in the world doesn’t go just because I’m travelling the world! And, no, I wasn’t ‘running away’. I was just living life and not so successfully at times. I won’t be too hard on myself.  Most people probably have some things they would do differently if they could revisit the moment.

I’ve also believed and felt that there is more to me than I have ever tapped into and that is part of my depression. I become excited, then overwhelmed with the possibilities, then do nothing significant, then get depressed I think that’s the order it goes in.

As a result I’ve spent my life being tired and even exhausted. I have avoided having tests for Chronic Fatigue Syndrome and saying that I have CFS because I know I would buy into that, but I definitely have CFS moments, symptoms and many of them.

So helping myself with ANYTHING is better than doing nothing and I’m loving the availability of  LOA information on the World Wide Web which has always been a passion of mine. This year feels like THE year to make some real inner changes and start truly living into the life I’m meant to live. I can’t put it off and pfaff around the edges anymore so here are some of the people I like to follow that appear to me to be successful that I can learn from and you, too. It’s not that they don’t have down times, but they seem to cope with them and move through them differently.

Firstly, some more Aussies. I subscribed to Natalie & Ryans Mind Movies and purchased this product a long time ago. Natalie Ledwell now has a great show http://theinspirationshow.com/ The interviews are around 15 mins and chockers ( ‘full’ for those who are unfamiliar with the term) with inspiring content. Episode #58 with Mercedes Maidana inspired the hell out of me particularly because I can relate closely to her story. In episode #60 Natalie is interviewing another amazing woman that I’ve had the pleasure of  listening to in a couple of live seminars in Melbourne, Loral Langemeier. Loral almost scares me because She is so powerful!

So that’s my bit of link love for today. I know I’ll have more down the track but there’s plenty here to keep you going.

Enjoy the share.

Photo : Copyright: C. Holroyd

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It’s now day 3 in my neck of the woods and I have a pretty good feeling about this year. Having a cheque coming from America from some Amazon Affiliate sales AND selling some things on Ebay to take me into the new year, is a pretty good omen financially speaking.

I can honestly say last year was my most unhappy year ever and although I’m not out of the woods emotionally by any stretch of the imagination, I have always (okay, NEARLY always, well here and there. lol. ) had a sense that I am living into a much better life once my inside world comes to terms with being slapped down again and again and once I’m ‘used to’ single motherhood. You have to get rid of the old, unsupportive energy coming from people and although the circumstances for doing so were and still are, extremely painful, I still know it is my time.

I’m heading up to 50 in approximately 17 months and it’s important to take the right people with me into the next phase of life. Some unsupportive people are unfortunately, still having to be in my life but I will keep them on the periphery as best as possible. Well, it’s just one person rather than some people really. I’m trying to be diplomatic for God knows what reason but it’s my blog so I’ll write what I want to aswell! lol.

2011 was terribly difficult and devastating for so many folks. Unfortunately,  it wasn’t easy to cope with issues, but major butt kicking, hard to cope with ones. I know some people won’t take the lessons and move forward ( Ok, I know of one ) and for others I really have no idea how you could possibly work out any lesson quite frankly and my heart goes out to you, but for those who can, I sure hope you will come with me, take the bull by the horns and move forward.

It’s a slow process, I know. The old saying : one step forward, two steps back wasn’t conjured up for no reason. Or : one step in front of the other. I prefer the latter.  At least with that saying I’m continually moving forward, even if it does feel like I’m climbing Mt. Everest at times.

It is supposedly the end of the world (again) this year. lol. Bear with me because it does tie in. My take on that old clap trap is that it is perhaps the end of the world as we know it. In other words, we need to start living a completely different life which brings an end to the world we are used to living into.

Sometimes we have to be slapped pretty darn hard to propel our lives forward. A trusty, loving Clairvoyant/Healer I spoke to at length with this year and have consulted with in the past, commented that I needed the thwack otherwise I’d still be in the situation I was in (which really wasn’t leading me anywhere but down). Hmmm. I kinda didn’t need to hear that on one level, but it made painful sense on another.

Thanks Claire http://www.facebook.com/coboltwebsite and I mean that sincerely.

If you made it this far, thanks for reading. Do leave a comment about anything you like relating to my blog, but keep it clean if you can. Hard at times, I know, when expressing raw emotions!

photo credit: dno1967b

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Sleeping treasure

Her little cheeks were red, lips full and big, blue eyes were closed (almost). Her eyelids weren’t quite shut and I could see Charlotte’s eyeballs through the slits. I’m just gobsmacked when I look at her and that’s not just tonight or only when She’s sleeping, of course. Our children are so precious and at the moment with all the life changes for us, it doesn’t take much to move me to tears.

Charlotte had her 6th birthday a few days ago and suddenly She’s so much more grown up. She was always at the very least, 2 yrs ahead of her time. One of those children that everyone said from birth including the nurses “Has been here before”. I used to look at my little bundle and always felt that She was so much older. It was an odd feeling, I can tell you, particularly when Charlotte had such a pixie face. People would ask which part of the garden She came from. Now that She’s 6, She seems to be going on 8 or 9 all of a sudden!

Forward a few weeks : We’ve been searching for a new home and today Charlotte and I checked out a reasonable place. We came away and Charlotte said “I think I could live there quite comfortably for awhile.” See? Going on 8 or 9. Not really a 6 yr old comment.

I just wanted to share my feelings as a Mum here at my blog and I know you will also relate whether you are a proud Mum, Dad, Aunt, Uncle etc. Our kids are so special, aren’t they? And worth treasuring. Make sure you tell them you love them as much as you want and kiss the little angels goodnight, everynight. I’m always planting a kiss on Charlotte’s gorgeous face well after She’s fallen to sleep ’cause I believe She will know and feel my love whilst dreaming in the land of nod.

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My friends, family, acquaintances and even strangers are unbelievably caring, helpful and acknowledging and I am able to lean on them. I also seem to be attracting the absolute right people into my life. Even Government agencies that I have to deal with are extremely helpful and understanding. Of course they can’t all be there in the middle of the night (that would make things a little crowded!) when I’m feeling dreadful but that’s probably a good thing for them at least.

Already there are some positives showing up. That much needed time alone is now mine. I’m so glad I like my own company and once Charlotte is in bed, it is peaceful except of course, for the inner turmoil. There are times when I want to bury my head in the sand or escape from my body so I don’t have to feel these awful feelings but that’s not possible so I just have to ride them out.

At the moment, I try to do something each day towards educating myself and taking steps to move forward. I’m not good at being in limbo but being in limbo is where I am. I don’t know where we will be living or what the future holds. Charlotte is so far quite unaffected by the change and what a blessing that is. As the journey continues and should we have to move (a very likely prospect) then it may be a little trickier and I guess the ‘limbo’ thing is maybe good from Charlotte’s perspective so that She can adjust slowly.

I am currently writing this from a holiday unit that my good friend has kindly paid for so that we can have a much needed break and it’s lovely in the mountains. We look across to the Victorian Alps and when the rain took a break and clouds lifted early this evening we were given a spectacular view of  one of the first snowfalls of the season on the majestic Mt. Bogong. Roll on Winter and the ski season! That’ll lift my spirits no end. My friend has an older child who looks upon Charlotte as her little sister. They are having a blast together and it makes me proud to watch Charlotte interacting so well and laughing  joyously.

Fast forward a couple of days. The holiday is over. We had a long, long drive home. Approximately 7 hours in the car with heavy traffic to contend with through Melbourne. Back to reality!

photo credit: LaPrimaDonna

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I mentioned a tiny bit in my last post about my partner not being able to eat certain foods. Before his stent operation he was given instructions from his doc to stop eating carbohydrates,  fatty meat & drinking alcohol. Fish & skinless chicken or turkey are fine. Once Peter is down to a manageable weight, he can start back on minimal carbs. and a bit of red wine is apparently quite healthy for you.

One of our meals. Not too shoddy!

Peter took the challenge on with gusto and his weight loss took place quite quickly. He’s lookin’ good. There are a  few kilos to go, but he will get there. People always have something to say about no carb/low carb diets. People always have something to say about anything really. Yes including me sometimes but I try to keep an open mind.  There seems to be a weight loss diet to suit everyone and at the end of the day if it works and you feel better for it, then you need to listen to your own body and go with it. I am not advocating going against your doctor or health practitioners advice here. Please don’t ignore their wisdom.

You do have to have a balanced diet and I see what Peter is eating now. And me by the way although in smaller quantities being a smaller person. I do enjoy these meals so much and have been known to go back for seconds.

I have reduced my intake of carbs big time and rarely eat bread anymore and I’m finally (almost) back to my pre pregnancy weight. Something that I have been wanting to do for a long time. I will add that I wasn’t really overweight for my height but I just felt bloated easily and frequently.

We get so many good things into our system now : pulses, seeds, fruit, vegetables, fish and the list goes on. I’m not as strict as Peter and always ate quite healthily anyway and I haven’t been through a stent operation or told to lose weight by my doctor. Part of my reason for cutting things out of my own diet was so I could also make it easier for Peter. Everyone in the family needs to get onboard & be supportive when one person has to change their diet.

If you’re wanting to start on a low carbs diet, this book could just be for you.

I need to let you know as my disclaimer that clicking on some of my links may cause you to lose weight. No, that’s not it. lol. I am an Affiliate Marketer and you may cause my bank account to gain weight.

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After weeks of  waiting ‘The stent op’ took place  successfully today. I’m writing this at home after a very emotional day not helped in any way by my conversations with Peter into the wee hours (3 AM), then being woken again at 5 AM by little Miss Charlotte. Not for long, but woken out of a deep sleep.

Peter phoned the hospital BEFORE leaving this time. Highly recommended! We were able to leave later  for a midday booking rather than 10 AM. Once again, it was a hassle free journey and not raining this time which also made life on the road a fair bit easier.

Peter was whisked away quickly with me in tow for the pre meds, but after that things slowed down somewhat.  At least we knew the operation was going to happen. I kept asking Peter if  he felt dopey yet and his comment was ‘No more than usual’. I guess he could also have responded with “I don’t think dopey would like me feeling him”. Bad joke but I need the light relief at the moment! And it’s my blog so I’ll write what I like. lol.

With operations I usually wait until after the person has gone before bawling my eyes out, but it was all too much and they flowed a bit earlier as I kissed Peter farewell and the tears kept coming on and off all day until at last the stents were in place. There was a mixture of  emotions : anxiety, sadness, fear & finally relief.

The procedure was longer and more needed doing than first thought so the Surgeon ( a lovely, French-Canadian fella that also did the Angiogram a few weeks prior) got it over and done with in one fell swoop to save us yet another journey back to the hospital.

Where Did He Go?

Even though Peter waved hello after the op from his trolley bed, he was wheeled away at lightning speed and I was left feeling a bit bewildered and angry that I couldn’t find him. There were only two places he could be, but I just wished the communication was more forth coming. Hmmm! I seem to recall the c word coming up in my last post about our trip to the Medical Centre. Good communication goes a long way.

Once I located Peter, I wasn’t allowed to be with him. Sad face. I was ushered to the waiting room. It turned out there was quite a bit of chest pain experienced after the op and plenty of concern so I can forgive the lack of  the c word in this particular instance.

Eventually, I was called upon but with strict orders to sit quietly & read without engaging Peter. Ha! I did my duty, but Peter was totally chatty. I had to keep telling him to rest up and stop talking. What a turnaround. I’m the one with the reputation for being chatty so how dare he steal my thunder! lol.

I was relieved actually and his pain was no longer there once I arrived. Must be something to do with my calming influence. NOT! Although having someone familiar with you after a major procedure can probably go a long way to aiding the healing process.

By the end of the evening, we were cracking some pretty bad jokes and having quite a laugh. After sharing a couple of trays of food together (I ate the food Peter isn’t currently able to eat ) I trekked home rather reluctantly knowing that I have to trek back again within a short space of  time.

Our sweet little Charlotte is now in bed after having a great day with her Nanna (my Mum) and I am revelling in the peace and quiet. It is so rare for me to have time to myself. Still feeling a bit of anxiety and asking the Universe to give Peter a smooth night but relieved that the arteries are looking healthy again and we have the pics to prove it.

The Day After

Unfortunately, I couldn’t post this yesterday but I am happy to report that Peter spent only the one night in hospital and he is now home and resting up after Charlotte and I travelled back to the hospital this afternoon in scorching 40C temps and strong winds. We wanted to do some Asian shopping again, but the wind made things too uncomfortable to be out shopping for any length of time.

I won’t jinx things and say we’ll do it next time. We’ve had enough of  hospitals, thanks very much! But a visit specifically to buy spices and do some Op shopping again will be on the cards.

photo credit: edans

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Zucchini and two varieties of tomato. Part of the bounty from our garden

I got today’s blog inspiration whilst weeding and harvesting some of our veggies from the back garden last night. We just love going ‘shopping ‘ in the back yard. We also grow silverbeet, corn which doesn’t seem to be faring aswell this year perhaps due to the unusual tropical conditions in our part of Australia. We grow snowpeas or mange tout as they can be known. Plus different herbs : fennel, Vietnamese mint, chamomile (which is pretty to look at but I haven’t ever used it) & lavender for potpourri and to display in our vases.

Almost ready for our first harvest of grapes

The driveway is about to get messy.

AND we grow fruit which is dotted about the place : the grapes on the front porch and plums far too close to the driveway are not quite ready, but we’ve had some lovely rasberries and the thornless blackberries are ready but too bitter to eat. Maybe next year will be the year for them. Our blueberries are slow and the Gojiberry tree isn’t going anywhere, but you never know. It seems to be just hanging in there however lemons & limes are abundant!

I just came across this website called Aussie Gardening. Seems to have a lot of great resources.  I’ve only skimmed over it and will have to revisit. Enjoy and I hope you get inspired to grow your own fruit and veggies. It really is a rewarding way to live.

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caught midair

Star jumping out of the frame

Visit 5minutesformom for more Wordless Wednesday pics

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We’d waited a few weeks, Peter had done all the tests required and finally the day came for his stent operation. We headed off early for the Medical Centre which is over an hours drive away. An easy drive ’cause we managed to miss peak hour traffic plus finding a car park on site is not a problem and reasonably cheap. Even if it was costly, I’d pay for the convenience, though.

We literally walked in the door and Peter’s phone rang. It was the hospital saying the op had to be postponed until next Monday. There must have been an emergency. It does state in the notes that this can happen and you pray it doesn’t, but….it did. But really, just as we had arrived? Arrgghh! What a let down. There’s a lot of anticipation & angst around any sort of op but particularly one relating to the heart.

The irony was that Peter spoke to someone from the hospital when we were only half way there and She apparently should have put Peter through to someone else. Communication breakdown.

Peter turned around to leave for home straight away, but I had just driven all the way there and suggested a coffee so we sat down and drank what must have been the worst coffee I’ve ever had. It seemed silly to waste the day especially when we rarely have time together without Charlotte so I suggested we go shopping for spices in the local Asian stores.

Perfect thing to do! It lifted our spirits somewhat. There were so many spices at dirt cheap prices to choose from and I
think we purchased from most of the stores. The other great thing was the Op (Opportunity not operation lol) shopping.
One of my passions. By the days end even I was Op shopped out but not before some great purchases were made and I was surprised at Peter’s enthusiasm for the Op shopping, too.

Despite feelings of being incredibly let down and it came in waves throughout the day for me, we managed to make the most of our time together. Events took a bit of a nosedive later in the day, but balanced out again in the evening.

One of the things that helped me overcome the disappointment was knowing   that postponing Peter’s appointment meant someone with a more serious problem may have filled it and a life may have been saved.

So we now wait to go through the angst again next Monday and this time we’ll phone the hospital prior to leaving. Of course emergencies can still happen but we’ll be more prepared for the possibility next time.

NB : Op shops here in Australia are called Thrift stores in other countries.

photo credit: EvinDC

photo credit: arepa182

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I was pulling out some chamomile on my own which is just under our grape vines in the front garden. It grows like crazy and was looking a bit bedraggled now that the flowers are almost finished. When in full bloom it’s pretty as a picture and it grows like wildfire, so it’ll be back. The only way to get rid of the weeds that intertwine themselves with the chamomile is to rip the lot out! Ruthless, I know.

Charlotte turned up to help me and suddenly pointed to a spider right where I was about to step to pull the plants & weeds which meant I possibly could have had a reasonable sized spider crawling on me. Something like the one when I was driving in the car the other day! Insert shivers here! Peter flicked that one off me, but towards Charlotte in her car seat. Arrgghh! I managed to pull the car over and found it, flicked it out (I can’t kill things easily) and off we went.

The spider Charlotte discovered today took my breath away it’s so beautiful, so in I charged to grab my camera which is like another limb for me. I snapped a few good shots which don’t look as great when small unfortunately but you can get an idea. I’m now  looking at a book of  Australian spiders, old as the hills but well used and the book just popped open at the page displaying our spider.

It is sometimes called an Orchard spider. Deaths Head spider is another term and Bird Dung spider. I’ll go with Orchard spider thanks very much.

Wolf spider

Not long after there was a Wolf spider running about. Not quite as attractive. Okay, nowhere NEAR as  attractive and way more difficult to photograph, but I managed one shot that turned out reasonably well.

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