I can’t begin to tell you how many times I’ve started writing over the past couple of months and just stopped. I’m currently adjusting to a new life, unexpected in the way it happened and somewhat unwanted, as I’ve been tossed carelessly into the world of single Motherhood to 5 year old Charlotte which began on Valentines Day. Yep, that’s what I thought and think too! It’s a huge roller coaster of a ride and the learning curve is massive. The only way I can look at it through the deep, emotional pain is to take it as an education and some of it will only enhance life as a business woman and on a personal level.
My friends, family, acquaintances and even strangers are unbelievably caring, helpful and acknowledging and I am able to lean on them. I also seem to be attracting the absolute right people into my life. Even Government agencies that I have to deal with are extremely helpful and understanding. Of course they can’t all be there in the middle of the night (that would make things a little crowded!) when I’m feeling dreadful but that’s probably a good thing for them at least.
Already there are some positives showing up. That much needed time alone is now mine. I’m so glad I like my own company and once Charlotte is in bed, it is peaceful except of course, for the inner turmoil. There are times when I want to bury my head in the sand or escape from my body so I don’t have to feel these awful feelings but that’s not possible so I just have to ride them out.
At the moment, I try to do something each day towards educating myself and taking steps to move forward. I’m not good at being in limbo but being in limbo is where I am. I don’t know where we will be living or what the future holds. Charlotte is so far quite unaffected by the change and what a blessing that is. As the journey continues and should we have to move (a very likely prospect) then it may be a little trickier and I guess the ‘limbo’ thing is maybe good from Charlotte’s perspective so that She can adjust slowly.
I am currently writing this from a holiday unit that my good friend has kindly paid for so that we can have a much needed break and it’s lovely in the mountains. We look across to the Victorian Alps and when the rain took a break and clouds lifted early this evening we were given a spectacular view of one of the first snowfalls of the season on the majestic Mt. Bogong. Roll on Winter and the ski season! That’ll lift my spirits no end. My friend has an older child who looks upon Charlotte as her little sister. They are having a blast together and it makes me proud to watch Charlotte interacting so well and laughing joyously.
Fast forward a couple of days. The holiday is over. We had a long, long drive home. Approximately 7 hours in the car with heavy traffic to contend with through Melbourne. Back to reality!