It’s great that you are starting to take some positive steps for yourself and good luck. Your comment about writing reminds me that I have in the past, put pen to paper and just written or scribbled so hard that the paper rips which isn’t such a bad way to express anger. It’s non intrusive. The paper can be burnt or ripped up and thrown so noone gets to read it. Maybe I need to do that more often.

yes I am known to slam cupboards door really hard. Throw cups , plates in the sink (better than lifting the tv and smashing it) etc.

I'm surprised by your post. I could have written it!

The thing is though Im getting help to find ways to express it healthy because I have a husband and children to consider and I do not want my kids to grow up and not know how to handle their anger .

It is terribly hard to work out.

And I'm starting to write it out so it gets out and later I can put it into perspective.

One thing I DO know is that I can’t talk when angry, so I need to remove myself asap to at least rant and rave to myself. LOL Trouble is, sometimes my daughter will follow me. There goes that possibility. So in theory saying ‘I’m angry and here’s why…’ is too tricky for me, but I wish I could. I remember doing that with an employer years ago. I said “I’m really angry with you right now and I don’t know why” Her response to me “I know you are!”. Just expressing that to her really did work along with her response. I’m afraid it wouldn’t work in my relationship which is another reason why at least removing myself is a better move.

I very much appreciate your input, Marya. A few areas of my life are definitely out of balance right now and I’m working on rectifying those things that I can. And I can’t ignore your opening comment. Abuse of our children and animals is rife. It makes me so mad that I can’t even think about it sometimes, but I do anyway. Everyone needs to and not shove this huge problem under the covers.

What you said about “Just a few words or a look can irreversibly hurt someone especially our children” is something I wish more parents realized. When children are little, we can shape who they become and how they react forever with just one thoughtless response. An incident that is trivial to us can be character-forming for them. We can be jaded and toss off sarcastic comments that seem a humorous way of venting, for example, but we can be doing it about something a small child is perhaps innocently experiencing for the first time in their lives and sending them a bigger message than we know.

If I get angry with a person, I don't find it helps to vent it (by yelling or slamming doors to let them know I'm angry), because that sort of emotional venting is ego-based: It's focusing on my feelings/needs and ignoring the other party's – or the real cause. But I've actually had to learn to express my anger (“I'm feeling really angry right now, and here's why…”) rather than bottling it up. Bottling it up leads to feeling put-upon, and that leads to overload, which leads to explosion. (Anger's often a sign someone is trampling over your boundaries.)

But then again, if I spill scalding coffee all over myself, I *totally* reserve the right to yell: “@#$#$&! Bloody 'Ell!”

What works for me is to look at what has triggered it. I remind myself that my priorities aren't always someone else's (and that includes kids doing chores ) and say to myself “it's all good”. I usually find that being aware that anger is just a sign that something's got out of harmony and balance really helps me get quickly back into perspective.