What better place to share my feelings than on my blog. Feelings that are all over the place to say the least. One minute  life is great and I can conquer the world and in a nanno second I’m all down and in a complete funk.

Know what I mean? I’m angry, happy, sad, angry, happy, sad.  Anger usually just masks hurt so I’ve read, but it’s a toughie to express. Of all our emotions, it can be the most destructive or that’s how it feels to me. Just a few words orDSCN8924.JPG
a look can irreversibly hurt someone especially our children and I’ve thrown a few looks Charlotte’s way lately. Now add guilt into the mix. LOL  Let me balance it by saying those looks have come back at me, too. I am seeing Charlotte reflect my negative behaviour, which doesn’t please me.

Some Suggestions Are Ridiculous

Advice from others for anger is to go for a walk, take a drive, hit some pillows. PLEASE! I have a 4 year old, so doing the first two is not something I can be spontaneous about. Pillow hitting never worked. Too passive. Throwing a few plates and YELLING at the same time might help, but that’s out too. What can I do? Yes, walk away from the situation when possible and most of  the time it is. Oops! Better be honest here. I storm away, not walk.

It is oh so tricky to release my pent up feelings of anger and they are pent up because I can’t release them straight away. Catch 22. It doesn’t work to take a drive at some later date and yell and scream in the car because by then, I’m not angry anymore. From my chit chats to friends, I feel some solace in knowing this is not  just a problem unique to me.

Attempting To Figure It Out

I’m trying to figure out why I get so angry and let me tell you, hormones haven’t  been ruled out at my age. I can feel a visit to my healthcare practitioner or doctor coming on soon. I could give you a whole host of excuses as to why I’m angry reaching far back into my childhood, but that doesn’t help me to express it responsibly in the moment. I know why I’m sad. Many reasons for that one too including the recent death of someone special to me.  And of course working out why I’m happy, well that’s a no brainer.

Having some time to myself sure helps. Today is my second day only in weeks on end that I haven’t been around humans. I feel the benefits almost instantly and it’s a glorious day weatherwise which helps lift my mood.

What do you do with that burst of  anger or are you genuinely calm and have you always been calm?

By the way, don’t ask me to count to 10 either. I’m closed to that one, but open to other productive suggestions. If  I lived on a property that would open up some options, too but unfortunately I’m a townie. Neighbours to think about and my reputation. LOL

Creative Commons License photo credit: jenlight

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